Stephen Carlin redresses not talking about The Wire, the best show no one’s not seen, by mentioning it at least 13 times.

Sorry, just let me first apologise. We’re into the second sentence of this article , and already I’ve failed to mention how much I enjoy The Wire. I will quickly redress the situation. I like The Wire. You know The Wire? Not the phenomenon of metal pulled into a thin flexible thread, although I’m a pretty big supporter of that wire too. God, isn’t electrical cable great? But The Wire, the HBO programme. The one about corrupt cops and corrupt drug dealers and corrupt other people, all being corrupt. Cops who break all the rules and still can’t get results.That Wire. I fully support The Wire. I back The Wire 120%. I’ve had carnal relations with The Wire. I’d like to state that for the record. As with Nelson Mandela, so too with The Wire. It’s not simply good enough to be a supporter - you have to be seen to be a supporter.

It’s not the first time I’ve neglected to mention The Wire. I recently attended a wedding where I repeatedly declined to indicate my enjoyment of HBO’s finest. I failed to cut into the free-flowing chitchat withThe Wire non-sequiturs. I don’t know what went wrong. Call it first night nerves. A public enquiry would have blamed human error, but whatever it was, I will forever be remembered by the other guests as “that guy who didn’t talk about The Wire”. I further compounded the problem by not comparing The Wire to a serious literary figure. Dickens, Shakespeare, Dostoyevsky - take your off-the-peg pick. A passing broadside against the mother of the bride’s hat would have been indulged; a projectile vomit directed at the top table passed off as over enthusiasm. But an absence of Wire references was indefensible. By this stage there was no way back.

Frustratingly, I already had pre-prepared arguments ready to be deployed like Britain’s independent nuclear deterrent, at a moment’s notice. Arguments concluding that no concessions are made to the viewer. Others about how we are all ultimately compromised by the institution we’re committed to. Dress rehearsals of propositions had been undertaken. Dry runs of conversational set pieces conducted. Best laid plans of mice and men laid. But I flunked The Wire key test.

Stephen Carlin hosts The Stephen Carlin project on Thursday the 5th of November at the Camden Head - Tickets Here