Its time to rename the Edinburgh fringe. Having spent the last 4 weeks in Edinburgh it is clear that anything but a fringe festival is taking place there. The very nature of a fringe is that it is on the outer edges and with 1 million people attending every year and countless acts appearing there who are already signed up to management companies, are in development deals with production houses or have a presence on TV what we do have is a massive corporate comedy festival and to refer to it as a fringe is nothing more than a marketing gimmick akin to selling chocolate as solidified fairy shit.

So how has the Fringe found itself in this position? You just need to have a look at the roll call of famous comedians who have made a name for themselves through performing at the fringe to see why hundreds of acts flock to bonnie Scotland every year. From Michael Palin and Terry Jones in the Oxford Revue through Rowan Atkinson, Stephen Fry and more recently the Mighty Boosh and Flight of The Conchord’s anyone who is anyone in UK comedy who has become a success has started in Edinburgh. The problem now is that with the overhanging spectre of previous success a lot of acts head up to the fringe for the wrong reasons. Where as before an act might go to the festival with a show they loved, for 3 weeks of stage time to find an actual audience now it will be purely to get a TV show or an agent with the show just being an ill planned out after-thought. The acts that have a coherent show are few and far between. With so much hinging on success at Edinburgh a lot of the fun has been taken away from the festival. And how are you supposed to have fun when the majority of act’s will be loosing upwards of £3000 on their shot at the big time what with venue hire, accommodation and PR and marketing?

At the rotten core of the current incarnation of the “fringe” is the newly renamed Fosters comedy award perceived as one of, if not the biggest award in comedy, it’s been around for 30 years and you can see that pretty much anyone that has a career in the industry has won or been nominated for the award. Split into three catergories the spirit of the fringe, the best newcomer and the main award the prizes include a cash prize, a slot at the prestigious Just For Laughs comedy festival in Montreal, thousands of pounds worth of publicity and a run at a major London theatre (owned by awards chairwoman Nica Burns). With such power to launch an acts career that power was very badly abused this year with a main awards short list that included eventual winner Russell Kane (Co host on I’m a celebrity get me out of here), Greg Davies (Star of the inbetweeners and We are Klang), Sarah Millican (About to release a stand up DVD with Channel 4) Bo Burnahm (59 million youtube hits ) Josie Long (Toured the world and has written and appeared in hit channel 4 show Skins). It’s not to say that these were not some of the best shows at the “Fringe” Greg Davies and Bo Burnhams certainly were, more that you could hardly describe any of these acts as being on the fringe of comedy. Don’t the awards have a responsibility to give something back to the acts who give so much to the festival? Instead with this list all they have served to do is increase the booking and TV appearance fees for acts who are already well established in the comedy industry. You can say that the best newcomer award is there to highlight the acts on the fringes but a cursory look at that list and you see that 75% of the nominees already have a promoter and manager behind them. When you look at the panel who selected the nominees, like the acts on the main awards short list none of them are on the fringe of the comedy industry. Made up of Journalists from all the major broad sheets, the head of BBC radio comedy, the commissioning editor for comedy at channel 4 and two festival directors from major festivals It’s not surprising that the more established acts at the fringe ended up making the list whilst acts who are genuinely on the Fringe of comedy who had great shows Like Nick Helm, Dr Brown and Toby didn’t get a look in.

This year management agencies threw thousands of pounds at moulding the careers of their act’s at the festival, household names like John Bishop played 1000 seater venues,  and the BBC branded comedy presents sold out a daily live night by spending thousands of pounds on marketing and acts. What was once a small arts festival for act’s to learn their craft is now, in the main, a soulless comedy conveyer belt where acts are pitted against each other in a corporate sponsored competition ultimately allowing the existing comedy establshment to pat itslef on the back . All this is fine as the old adage goes it’s show “business” and the festival is a great place to launch an acts career but somewhere in all this the show has been overtaken by the business and that’s why to continue to refer to it as a fringe is just a lie.

Tim Key the star of last years Fringe sits down and chats to the star of this years Bo Burnham for an hour of self indulgence, deep comedy philosophy and back slapping, it’s also over 3000 words long . Editors note: Tim Key sub edited this piece, there are no end to his talents.

Harry Deansway: Shall I start with a serious question and you can maybe work…

Tim Key : …Um, I don’t know maybe start by wearing slightly more serious clothes

Bo Burnham: (Laughs out loud)

Harry: You can talk.

Tim: I can.

Harry: You look like you mugged some dead person in a charity shop or something.

Tim: Well it was in a charity shop.

Harry: Right.

Tim: And in fairness to you, the person who used to wear it is now dead.

Harry: As this is Bo’s first Edinburgh, what was your first Edinburgh?

Tim: Yep. 2001. So Bo would have been 11. I was in a sketch show called ‘Far Too Happy’. It was pretty good actually, a good sketch show.

Tim: Did you see it?

Harry: I was sleeping rough that year…

Tim: Were you?

Harry: …In Edinburgh that year, yep.

Tim:  (Ruminates on this for a second) Enjoying your first Edinburgh, Bo?

Bo: Oh yeah.

Harry: Had you heard of the festival at all, did you know anything about it?

Bo: Yeah, because I am a big fan of a lot of comics over here. It isn’t really known much in the United States and very few American comics come over. But I had known because I was a huge fan of like all these dudes like: Bill Bailey and Tim Minchin, Tim Vine and Hans Teeuwen and all these people. So I knew because I am a bit of a comedy nerd.

Harry: Bo became quite successful from recording something in his bedroom at the age of 17.

Bo: Didn’t we all?

Harry: I was going to say what were you doing in your bedroom age 17?

Bo: Make a joke.

Tim: Songs. A bit better than Bo I just didn’t think they were ready. I thought it was a bit arrogant to get them out there.

Harry: So you were doing the same thing…

Tim: Actually,I was in plays. I was doing theatre studies at A-Level so I was doing Midsummer’s Night Dream.

Bo: I was too. I have done it twice, who were you?

Tim: I was Bottom (Nick Bottom, weaver who plays Pyramus)

Bo: Of course you were.

Tim: I imagine you were probably Lysander (Beloved of Hermia) once and Puck (A.K.A Robin Goodfellow, servant to Oberon) the other time.

Bo: Holly Shit that was incredible! WOW. Oh my god dude, that was incredible.

Harry: Which one did he play first?

Tim: Well Lysander first of all – it was forced onto him owing to his looks. And then Puck – once he was in a position to call the shots himself.

Bo: Nope.

Tim: Dammit.

Bo: It was Puck when I was little in 7th grade when I was 12 and then Lysander when I was like 16.

Tim: Okay. Still no shame in guessing what the parts were that you played.

Harry: That was pretty good.

Bo: That was incredible.

Harry: Are you guys familiar with the ten thousand hour rule?

Bo: Yeah.

Tim: What is that?

Bo: Yeah, it is stupid.

Harry: You don’t agree with it?

Bo: No.

Tim: What is that?

Harry: If you want to master anything you need to put a minimum of ten thousand hours in.

Bo: How ridiculous is it to come to that conclusion specifically?

Tim: It is fucking horseshit is what it is.

Bo: I guarantee that guy didn’t spend ten thousand hours coming up with that. Know what I mean.

Harry: So you don’t agree with that?

Tim: There is probably something in it… No, it is horseshit of course it is.

Bo: That’s gauging every person as the same speed and ability as each other.

Tim: You have seen some guys who’ve put together a great show not long after starting out, surely Harold.

Harry: Yeah, but you can be doing it before you are actually, actively performing.

Bo: Just abstract and convolute it and you can make it win by anything. Like if you say “I was really practicing when I was talking to my friends” then you can find the ten thousand hours wherever you need to.

Tim: I did a… I taught English as a foreign language. This bloke would probably say it was part of my ten thousand hours.

Harry: Yeah. Well what were you like as a kid. Were you trying to entertain people then?

Tim: Yeah but I was hopeless then.

Harry: So that was a bit of practice wasn’t it?

Tim: Not all the time. Ten thousand hours though. What is that? How many hours is that?

Harry: Well the example is…I have read the book.

Tim: Oh for fuck’s sake Harold!  What have you put ten thousand hours into?

Harry: Not me, I not successful in what I do am I. Ten thousand hours into getting into debt. That’s what I have put in.

Bo: Well done.

Harry: Massively in debt. Ten thousand hours of being bad with money that’s what I have put my ten thousand hours into.

Bo: But that is kind of ridiculous. It is like saying ‘practice makes perfect’ but in a really specific, ridiculous way.

Harry: Okay so neither of you are in agreement with that theory.

Tim: And also I think you can keep doing it and doing it and doing it and ten thousand hours might arbitrarily be were you get really good. Another person about three thousand hours maybe is where they would get really good at it and if you look at where they are after seven thousand hours, they might have no understanding of how to do it anymore. It kind of goes in waves. You know it’s not always a clean arc of doing it more and more and more and getting better and better and better.

Harry: So do you think you have naturally got it and it is just working on it or?

Tim: Oh no. You definitely have to have a relationship between having some kind of ability and then a lot of hard work but it’s different for each person. That is what I have found. I have had to work really hard to make it work out.

Harry: Do you think there is an ideal age to be a stand up?

Bo: Not if it is self aware of what it is. Not at all. I think like 9 would be ridiculous but anywhere between 20 to whatever. You never say ‘what age is the perfect painter?’

Tim: That’s about 40. No. I think you are absolutely right. It is only athletics/ sport where it really matters. I could easily say that two of my favorite comedians who I really love watching/working today that one is 25 and one of whom is 55. It is very simple.

Harry: What about Bill Hicks. He started when hew as 16 in the clubs and by the time he had his peak he had bee doing it 10 years by really hitting his stride and became the Bill Hicks we all know.

Tim: A lot of people who are up here this year started very very young; Daniel Kitson started very young, Josie Long started very young. Maybe that is why they are so good at a young age still? But then it is possible to be very very good and started slightly later. Mark Watson is like 30 is he?

Harry: Yes.

Tim: Yes, 30 and he probably started doing stand up in earnest in his twenties.

Harry: So for the both of you what was the catalyst that started the ‘I want to entertain and do comedy’?

Tim: I think they are very different. By chance really, there is no plan to do this. I had a bit of luck just auditioning for something when I was at a loose end and that happened to be a thing with Mark Watson in it. It was a great show so if I auditioned for something that was absolute horseshit it would have been different. There were no plans to do that so after that there was a chance to work my way into it and then I felt like it was worth staying in it to see what happens for a bit. There was never really a powerful reason to stop.

Harry: Okay so there was never really a conscious thing of ‘ I want to be an entertainer’?

Tim: No. There was a vague thing. It is a very difficult thing to perceive it happening. Like thinking ‘I want to be a footballer’. How are you going to make money off entertaining?

Harry: OK and yourself?

Bo: Man that was boring. (Yawns).

Tim: I realized it was. I couldn’t work out what your face was doing.  I thought you were enthralled.

Bo: I think I always wanted to entertain; I am just a bad, bad person.

Tim: Do you think?

Bo: Yep.

Tim: Why?

Bo: Just a bad thing.

Tim: What that you were born to be it?

Bo: No, because I wanted to be it.

Tim: From when?

Bo: Born to be it is a horrible area/phrase.

Tim: From when?

Bo: When I was little I would always put on shows.

Tim: Brilliant. See I never did that.

Bo: I would put on ‘Bo Shows’ that I would put on when I was like 3 years old. I would get my friends around and stand up, sing songs and tell jokes. So I have just been a horrible person since.

Tim: This is very different.

Harry: Is that true?

Bo: Yeah.

Harry: That’s the ten thousand hours.

Bo: But I wasn’t the class clown or anything. I was always the kid at the back of the class saying ‘fuck this’. I could sit here and be like really humble and say that I didn’t really want it. But I have always wanted this and it is kind of horrible…Yeah, yeah.

Harry: Did you used to record your stuff?

Bo: I recorded the stuff online and that actually wasn’t posted as ‘this is my big break’ as no one knew what You Tube was, I never knew what You Tube was. I actually had this plan to go to college and do open mic nights and stuff.

Tim: Is that right? That’s great.

Bo: Yeah, so I posted this thing not even thinking about it because nobody knew the Internet had this power and if that hadn’t have happened I would not even be here, obviously. But I wouldn’t even be doing music in my act, if I had an act. I kind of stumbled into music too and found out I would just write a little lyrically. I feel like I write jokes rhythmically so I kind of stumbled into that which is lucky.

Harry: You both use different contrasts of traditional stand up. You have got your poetry and you have your music so how did that come about for both of you.

Tim: They were kind of two different things really. The stand up, I just did it for a bit. Did a competition or two and just found it frustrating. I wasn’t that bad, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. I did one good gig as well. Very good.

Harry: You get the bug don’t you? As soon as you get the first laugh or the first big thing that’s it, your in. You are hooked in and never lose it right?

Tim: The thing is for me it’s slightly different from that as you can get a big laugh and still feel slightly uncomfortable.

Bo: Yeah, that makes more sense.

Tim: You can get a big laugh and feel nothing, as you are not in an inner orbit where everything is working. You can always get individual laughs even if you are having a bad gig, you can do a bit of material that is always going to work and people will laugh but it is more than that really. If you are having a good gig everything kind of works; things seem more pyrotechnical. Some unplanned might happen and the room gets a certain energy;  something occurs in the room where you think ‘this is a very nice gig now’. You are in control of making that but it isn’t quite as simple as that. Of course, if you go on and say something and no one laughs it is going to unsettle you. But there is something a little more magical about stand up than that.

Harry: What, is he being boring again?

Bo: It is a typhoon. No, I definitely agree that laughter is not like the end point. Especially in a place like this. If you are doing ten-minute sets around the country for drunken people then go for it. I like being in control because you can always reach out to an audience and grab them and shake them until they laugh but to get them to come to you is so much more difficult, the nuance. Like anyone ‘CrAzY’ can get in your face and make you uncomfortable until you laugh but you can tell when stand up is either like aggressive or magnetic, if that makes sense. I think the magnetic stuff is really cool where the audience has to go to the guy. Instead of the guy having to go and beg for the audience. I think that’s when a gig is going really well and I feel as if I don’t do that. When I don’t to that I pussy out…

Harry: Pander to the audience.

Bo: Pander like…I don’t know. Apologise in one-way or another. Not like literally apologising but compromising.

Harry: It is until you get in the position where you have your own audience who want to hear what you want to do.

Bo: But that’s not even great either. I have been very lucky to have an audience.

Tim: You have your audience here haven’t you. Have you seen his show?

Harry: No.

Tim: It is pretty amazing. There is a real anticipation before Bo comes on.

Bo: My fans are very young and some people that come along are in their 40’s. I don’t know. If I ever get successful, like theatres and screaming fans the challenge and the accomplishment is gone you know? I don’t know if that is a good thing. I mean, of course it is a good thing like it makes you fight extra hard to challenge yourself and not disappoint them. At the same time not to disappoint yourself by doing new things. I think having a big fan base is more artistically challenging. Going into a room where they have never heard you and rocking that room, you will never feel better. Rocking a room with people that love you to begin with, you do not feel that accomplished…unless you do new stuff.

Tim: That’s it but I don’t feel empty if I do the show and people like it. I don’t think I have a mode where I can rip a room apart by not sticking to what I do. I don’t have a PLAN B per se. I don’t think I have a bunch of stuff to do and think ‘Okay, they love that but maybe I should have been a bit more adventurous’.

Harry: Isn’t that the unplanned stuff though, when you are interacting with the audience? That always feels unplanned.

Tim: That is very unplanned. But I mean the other way around.

Bo: He doesn’t have a fall back to think that this will fucking kill.

Tim: My stuff goes best when it feels fresh and new and I have that feeling.

Bo: It’s not like feeling empty inside. It is like I think about how I could do it a bit better. I don’t feel great when I kill a show with all people that know me. Will I ever feel as good as that time when the new kid that no one ever heard of and they came in like ‘what the fuck?’ Expecting the worst and getting something.

Tim: That’s definitely true.

Bo: And people will be like ‘play that song’. I don’t know. I don’t think it can ever be as good from obscurity and that surprise is so exciting. Being in control is the most important part. The most exhilarating thing about being on stage. This month in particular, isn’t like rocking the show with applause breaks and laughs. It is like feeling in control and feeling like I could do anything. Feeling absolutely comfortable and feeling I have completely controlled the pace but at the same time it feeling completely organic. Like this is rolling well but I am not feeling like I am calculating it. Not counting in my head for beats or anything. Particularly in that room, I am in a small room they can see me, no matter where I wander on stage so like there are moments when I was like wondering around stage telling jokes, unaware of where the audience was. For the last ten minutes it has worked and that is really fun.

Tim: So what are your aims for this month Bo? Do these shows and fuck off or…?

(Laughing)

Bo: Yeah, Abso-fucking-lutley. I’m out of this place. I have never heard of any of you or your newspapers.

Harry: What do you do afterwards? Do you go back home or go to London?

Bo: I go back to Boston.

Harry: Cool.

Bo: It would be nice to do some stuff here but…

Harry: You are busy right?

Bo: Yeah, but people blow everything up though. Like I don’t sell many tickets in America. Millions of Internet hits mean nothing, they are false numbers and I will be the first one to admit that.

Harry: It is about opportunities though right. You both have good opportunities at the moment?

Bo: Yeah, yeah I am not complaining about it but people like to blow things up. People like to grab onto a gimmick. Like a 19 year old American from the Internet.

Tim: I guess what we both have is if we write a new show it is possible to find an audience that will watch it because they are interested in what we are doing.

Bo: Yeah.

Tim: Like my Edinburgh last year I had a very fun month because the people in the room were really interested in seeing me. So I had that and that is a very nice position to be in.

Bo: I told people that I would only come back here if I had something really cool or something really weird so I am not sure if I will be back next year because I am not going to rush back into it and capitalise on anything if I can’ have a decent run in.

Harry: Sort of what your doing Tim?

Tim: No, absolutely not. That is a very simple reading of the situation and a misreading.

Harry: I am only joking.

Bo: No, you are right.

Harry: That is how we are going to end it.

Tim: I will show you a tally of my finances to show you how much I make from this. It is fucking mind blowing!

Bo: Title this article ‘Three guys, two stupid blazers’.

Tim: Excuse me, this is not a blazer, it is a Safari Jacket.

Spending most of the year on tour either playing to a handfull of people or thousands supporting his showbiz pals Tenacious D, Neils life is never dull however it is very depressing. Harry Deansway talks show-biz with Americas funny man.

HD: Er hello is that Neil

NH: Yes, yes, yes it is

NH: How are you doin‘?

HD: I’m very well how are you?

NH: Never, never better, I have to say

HD: That’s good news

NH: Yeah, yeah.  So you’re calling from far away I take it?

HD: Yes, London, London Town

HD: Where am I calling you? Are you in Los Angeles?

NH: Right now well we’re just outside of Los Angeles.  We’re just outside it in a little town called Sewage Grove and, uh, we did a show out here last night in Sewage Grove and, uh, we’re driving to the next show which is uh, oh about 700 miles away
They’ve got a lot of work for us today, you know?

HD: That’s show business as they say.

NH: As they say

HD: So, um, where are you based?

NH: I have several sheets of cardboard in the back of the car and I usually sleep under those or on top of those.  Outside of, you know, what ever town I’m playing in

HD: Oh… um, so you don’t have like a… you’re always on the road are you?

NH: Last year we did 399 shows and we travelled 100 and 2,618 miles and uh performed for a total of 610 people so yes I do a lot of shows

HD: Wow so let’s start at the beginning, how did you get in to show business?

NH: Well I don’t know that I really have gotten in to it yet. I’m still a little bit ambivalent about this I’ll tell ya. This is no sort of business to get if to if you’re trying to make yourself proud. This business is truly degrading and demoralizing.

HD: Why do you keep doing it then?

NH: Well I have no choice do I?

HD: No, does it pay the bills?

NH: Well it’s not paying any bills because I am so far in debt due to a bad contract I signed with these pricks. 90% of my wage is garnished by these attorneys. I’m haemorrhaging financially.

HD: Wow. So its not been going very well but you’ve persevered at it, but you get gigs right? People book you?

NH: I get gigs every night of the week. I have too many of these shows the problem is of course with the pay being garnished I’m essentially doing these for no reason. It’s sort of like being in prison and being forced to make license plates but uh, you know, I’m gonna give it my all night after night anyway, I tell ya. I do shows, I do so many shows.

HD: So is it the big gigs that keep you going, you’ve supported tenacious D?

NH: Well I mean maybe yeah in a way, I mean they are sort of depressing too because of all the hatred and the booing.

HD: Fucking hell. How do you feel about your press? A lot of it describes you as not very good. I mean you don’t get many good reviews do you?

NH: I mean we do and we don’t. We do get some of those hatchet job sort of journalists and I think a lot of those guys they have mental problems or sometimes they’re on the payroll of competing comedians you know you’ve got Carrot Top and Dane Cook and some of these guys have a whole payroll, you know, paying journalists to say bad things about others, so that’s what you have there.

HD: But you don’t ever feel like a lot of promoters book you because they’re laughing at you as opposed to laughing with you?

NH: Boy that is… You have a bleak world view over there.  I thought the sun shone all the time over there and everyone was in a good mood and then you hit me with questions like that.

HD: I was researching it and a lot of the articles were saying ‘worst comedian ever’ - really harsh criticism you know…

NH: Oh you are… You are not a nice man, no I know what you mean you do get some of that….

HD: That’s not my opinion!

NH: …well no, it’s okay. I mean you’re just reading it. I know you’re not writing it. Not yet anyway.  I hope not. For God’s sake. Please be kind.

HD: What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you on tour then? Maybe even made you want to quit?

NH: Well, you know, I can’t say this is really so bad because in fact it was quite an interesting moment but I did a tour with Tenacious D and at Madison Square Gardens. Sold out crowds 17,000 – 18,000 people, they started chanting ‘Asshole’ during the set and it would not stop and so I’ll tell ya - you haven’t lived until you’ve stood on stage at Madison Square Gardens by yourself whilst the entire house is chanting ‘Asshole’ at you. Now, I would not say that was a bad thing, that was actually quite interesting, you know. A bad thing is you know, more, you show up at one of these Indian casinos and, uh, y’know the place is boarded up after you’ve driven 700 miles. That’s my idea of a bad thing. Or another time a guy urinated into a cup. I asked for a drink on to the stage and the guy handed me the drink, this is in New Orleans, and the drink is warm and I’m thinking ‘I didn’t order a hot buttered rum, why is this drink warm?’ and of course one sniff and you realise it’s this mans uh urine, which was no doubt infected with Hepatitis B.

HD: Oh my God. (laughs) Sorry, that’s really bleak.  I’m really sorry to hear about that.

NH: … you know, I’ve done shows with some of these horrible rock and roll bands too and, you know, there’s nothing worse than, uh, stepping off the stage and the next guys to step on it are the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and you know before you know it you’ve got an undiagnosed case of ear cancer, because the music is so horrific you know. So that’s another problem.

HD: You’re quite famous in your sets for sort of insulting people, am I correct there?

NH: Well, it’s not something that I would like to be doing but occasionally you do get a ‘sickie’, somebody with a mental illness  in the audience that insists on saying things. Occasionally, you do have to respond in kind but I would not say that is something that I’m proud of, its just something that does happen

HD: Are you familiar with The Fix magazine at all? The magazine that this interview’s for…

NH: Say this again I’m afraid the connection is a little bit distorted and you sound like you’re talking through a pillow

HD: Are you familiar with The Fix magazine that this interview’s for?

NH: Uh, no I’m not. I’ve heard that it is the place to be, magazine wise but you know I’ve not seen it here on the news stands …or in the recycling bins.

HD:  It hasn’t made it to the US yet but yeah…. we insult our readers and I was just wondering if maybe you had some insults  for our readers? Would that be possible at all?

NH: Well… I don’t know the readers yet y’know.

HD: So you’ve got no zingers for The Fix readership?

NH: How about ‘fuck you’, huh? Fuck you asshole. That’s your fucking zinger - go piss up a rope, you prick. No, I don’t’ have any because I need them to do something to me. Now, if one of your readership were to send me a shitty email I would have something shitty to say back to the prick. But uh… as it is righ now you know you’re just asking me to say horrible things to people I’ve never met and for all I know this is a big set up. Maybe the zingers should go to you, maybe I should be telling you to go fuck yourself because maybe the readership are all people who are handicapped, you know… and you’re trying to get me to say that I hope they go down a flight of stairs but I didn’t know that they were handicapped when I said that and it just makes me look bad this whole thing seems like an incredible set up you know what I’m saying?

HD: Okay Neil sorry….

NH: I mean what if your readership are sweet, sweet 12 year old girls, you know. Sweet little twelve year old girls that love cartoons and then you’ve got me saying go jam a candle up your ass while you finger fuck yourself and then the next thing I know I’m being done up in British court for saying these things to these sweet girls….Pre-teenage girls. Very sweet. Really in to strawberry short cake so I don’t think this is fair and I will not take part in it.

HD: Okay I’ll apologize if I’ve overstepped the line in any way

NH: Fair enough

HD: Well it’s really exciting that you’re coming over to the UK, thanks so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to us

NH: Same goes to you. Thank you for your gifts to the world in the form of writing because as you know so many people –their gift to the world is pissing in an alley, and you know for someone to do something different and try to communicate ideas to people – that’s a step up and I sure appreciate it

Neil Is in Edinburgh from the 16th to the 22nd http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/neil-hamburger and The Soho Theatre from the 23rd till the 28th http://sohotheatre.ticketsolve.com/shows/24509224/events

The Festival may look like a walk in the park for performers but behind the facade there is an undercurrent of despair, depression, financial ruin and failure, comedians share the tears behind the laughter.

Whilst performing at a preview in London of my 2006 Edinburgh show I noticed a lady in a wheel chair in the front row. Not to let her feel left out I decided to talk to her. On my approach I could feel the audience clam up, so I thought that I would make a point by saying “Oh they don’t like it when I talk to you; it makes them feel uncomfortable you being in a wheel chair! Imagine if you were black as well”! They saw my point.

Later, during a performance at the festival, I had a man sitting in the front row in a wheel chair. I thought I could do again what I had done a few weeks earlier in London and make a point! So, I approached the wheel chair bound gent and said. ” They don’t like it when I talk to you, you being a wheel chair and all” now for the final point only this time I got my wording wrong, you don’t realise the power a sentence can have just by losing and moving a few words!

“I mean it could be worse” here it comes the big laugh, “You could be black and in a wheel chair”! Well As the words left my mouth I felt on toes bite into my shoes, knowing what I had said. There was no way back from this. I felt so stupid and ashamed. But I didn’t mean it, it had just come out wrong! And why was I trying to make a point anyway! The worst thing for me it was about five minuets into the show! Needles to say there was no encore.

Terry Alderton

Terry Alderton: The Pleasance Dome 21:20 http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/terry-alderton

The Festival may look like a walk in the park for performers but behind the facade there is an undercurrent of despair, depression, financial ruin and failure, comedians share the tears behind the laughter.

Like many performers, I frequently get anxious before shows and sleep badly as a result. Last year I stumbled across the legendary Scottish nerve tonic Buckfast whilst I was trying to retrieve my shoe from a bin. I invested in a bottle and had several large glasses before bed to aid restful sleep. It was of little help, and I had a terrible nightmare in which I was staggering naked around the botanical gardens, trying to pick a fight with a swan and claiming that I was the “new David Dickinson”. When I awoke the next morning, I was covered in bruises and ferns, and I had smeared myself all over with mud. How that happened I’ll never know.

Jeremy Lion

Jeremy Lion Goes Green, Pleasance Dome, 20:20

With over 906 comedy shows to chose from, it can be hard to pick the right show to go and see. Yes… part of the fun of the Fringe is taking a risk, but just think, you could have spent that £12 on three pints instead of listening to some Oxbridge twat doing a what came 1st The Chicken or The Egg Sketch, or some self indulgent arsehole doing a routine about British Rail Sandwiches. With the Fix top 20 an ill informed decision is a thing of the past.

Adam Riches Rides, 16.00, Pleasance courtyard Beside, £11
With an amazing talent for combining drama, narrative and humour Riches is one of the most talented acts on the fringe. Playing Alpha Male characters who are heavy on flaws Riches expertly uses audience interaction, banter and yakult (yes the pro-biotic drink) to create a truly memorable and unique hour of entertainment that you won’t forget in a hurry.

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/adam-riches-rides

Andy Zaltzman Swears To Tell The Truth, Half The Truth, And Everything But The Truth, 16.20, The Stand Comedy club III and IV, £9
Seeing Andy Zaltzman at the Fringe is a true right of passage to becoming an official Fringe aficionado. Mixing satire and whimsy Zaltzman’s penchant for exaggerating the absurdities of politics and news has been honed over the years through his live work and writing for TV and Radio. A show the will give you food for thought and won’t leave you hungry for laughs.

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/andy-zaltzman-swears-to-tell-the-truth-half-the-truth-and-everything-but-the-truth

Carl Donnelly: How Do You Solve a Problem Like Carl Donnelly, 20.55, Underbelly Belly Button £10
With a nomination for the best newcomer award last year Carl is rapidly becoming a fringe favourite. This years show deals with Carl’s transition from south London chav to stand up comedian. Carls skill at structuring an anecdote and mining it for comic gold is second to none coupled with his chilled out drawl if you don’t leave liking him there is something seriously wrong with your sense of humour.

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/carl-donnelly-how-do-you-solve-a-problem-like-carl-donnelly

Colin Hoult: Enemy Of The World, 16.45, Pleasance Courtyard upstairs, £8.50
Character comedians have a long history of success at the Fringe and the latest rising star of Character Comedy is Colin Hoult. Last years show Carnival Of Monsters dealt with a cacophony of sociopaths, misanthropes and losers with ingenious comic mastery and lashings of pathos thrown in for good measure. This years show once again shows that one man and microphone doesn’t just have to be a load of jokes about the differences between men and women.

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/colin-hoult-enemy-of-the-world

Dave Hill: Big In Japan, 20.15, Pleasance Courtyard Beneath, £8.50
Hi, this is Dave Hill.  I am letting Harry stay at my apartment for a few days and he’s just gone to the toilet.  Since Harry is unable to type (or pee without medical assistance) at the moment, I thought I’d speak for him and say that he thinks my shows at Edinburgh are pretty much the greatest things that have ever happened ever.  I caught Harry masturbating in the kitchen this morning and- after staring at him in disbelief for a few seconds- I asked him what he was thinking about while going to town on himself under the table.  He said, “Your shows!  They are just so e-e-exciting!”  Unfortunately the blinds were open and now the police are here.  Show business can be cruel sometimes.

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/dave-hill-big-in-japan

Kevin Eldon is Titting about, 13.00, The Stand Comedy Club, £8
Surprisingly after 20 odd years in the industry Kevin Eldon is making his Edinburgh Debut this year. It’s not that he hasn’t been performing live for the last 20 years, his rare club appearances as the poet Paul Hamilton are some of the best performances you will see on the circuit, more that he’s never got round to it. Now he finally has it’s definitely worth the wait.

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/kevin-eldon-is-titting-about

Lee Kern Filthy Raucous Soul Bitch, 17.30, Fringe At Le Monde, £5
There’s no two ways about it – Kern is a divisive comedian. You’ll either love him or hate him. Dark, deep, intelligent and dirty, his material is deliciously smart and delivers laughs where on the face of it there should be none. Fearless and funny. Definitely one to check out.

13.40, http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/lee-kern-filthy-raucous-soul-bitch

Mike Wozniak: Egg and Spoon, 21.10 The Stand Comedy club III and IV, £8
Nominated for the best newcomer award a couple of years back Mike has already built up a loyal following up at the Fringe in that short time. This years show focuses on his attempts to conceive a baby, a tried and tested comedy subject but in Wozniak’s capable hands he shines a comic light on the intricacies of the deed with his unique absurdist wit.

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/mike-wozniak-egg-and-spoon

Stewart Lee: Vegetable Stew, 17.15, The Stand Comedy Club, £10
With 20 years experience of performing at the fringe veteran Lee always puts on a sterling show. Once again using the fringe to try out material for his forthcoming TV show this is a chance to see a true master of the art form at work.

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/stewart-lee-vegetable-stew

Toby, 15.45, Cabaret Voltaire, Free
Making their Edinburgh Debut on PBH’s free fringe, sister double act Sarah and Lizzie Daykin AKA Toby perform inappropriate sketches to win their mothers attention. Imagine the performance prowess of French and Saunders with the comic sensibilities of Pete and Dud in an accomplished hour that belies their tender years.

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/toby-free

I’ve got an idea. It involves taking 90% of the UK comedy industry away from where it is based in London to the capital of Scotland 500 miles away. It’s going to cost a lot of money, use a lot of time and for the majority of people be utterly pointless. Ok, but it’s only going to be a couple of day’s right? No it is going to last for the whole month. This is not some god-awful radio 4 comedy sketch or indeed my own idea this is the Edinburgh festival, “The worlds biggest arts festival.” You have to ask the question why do we do it every year. Out of the 906 comedy shows that are appearing here I reckon 20 people involved with them are going to enjoy it. 4 of those people are the guys who own the big four venues, 3 are the respective owners of Avalon, Off the Kerb and Phil Macintyre, 10 are the people who will get nominated for the Perrier, 1 is Peter Buckley Hill and the other 2 are mad, sorry the other two are mad and don’t run the Free Fringe. . Yet year on year the festival grows and more and more comedians gamble £4,000 or over on their shot at success. For the majority this will not pay off but it is the minority it does work for that keeps the majority coming back year on year. I spoke to a comedian last year who was after 3 Edinburgh’s 15k in the hole, had never had a sniff of any TV work and barely did any gigs in London and that’s only one I spoke to. I dread to think what the combined debt of all the comedians performing in Edinburgh is this year, let alone the ones who are so crippled by debt from previous Edinburgh’s that they are unable to attend.

So what do you get for your 4000 pound loss? Well 1st up for 30% of your turnover, not profit you get a performance space that has had all the oxygen required for laughter sucked out and has been heated daily to a temperature hotter than the sun. Your promotional budget which will include your flyering team, which unless you have been on Mock The Week or 8 Of Ten Cats is about as effective as putting 5000 flyers in a skip and then standing on the royal mile shouting “all my flyers are in a skip” for 3 hours. You might chose to hire a PR, a quick breakdown of how your money is spent by them reveals that 25% of your money is used on taking journalists who have already made their minds up about what they want to write about out for lunch, 40% will be on the PR’s alcohol and drug habit or “networking” as they will call it and the final 35% will go towards the luxury penthouse or “base” they will be using during their stay. Meanwhile every Edinburgh resident takes the month off their normal job to become an estate agent, taking what would be a fair monthly rate for a property in a city with virtually no public transport infrastructure, worse weather than Jupiter and food left over from medieval times and charging you the rate for which you might get a villa in the south of France for. The one and only benefit for the majority of the acts who won’t have success at the festival is that they will get three weeks of constant stage time and for some of that time if it goes well an audience. Is that really worth the gamble of losing £4000 for though?

If you are a punter I hope I haven’t just done the equivalent of opening a door to the kitchen in a restaurant to reveal the chef pissing in the sink, until now you probably knew nothing of the emotional distress and financial ruin that the acts performing for you experienced so please don’t let it effect your enjoyment of the festival. If unlike me you are a genuine punter the festival is an amazing place to spend a couple of days with some of the finest comedic talent from around the world on offer on a daily basis and this year promises to be no different.

Together with join Dave and The Fix throughout the month of august we are going to be bringing you interviews, reviews and features with and from the biggest and best names at the festival. keep up to date with all that is going on at the festival through

www.joindave.co.uk
www.thefixonline.com/edinburgh
www.twitter.com/the_fix
www.twitter.com/Join_Dave

I’d like to start by saying I’m not afraid of you people. I used to be terrified. About 95 percent of my energy as a performer went into pretending not to be afraid. Fortunately, most of that fear is gone now. Unfortunately, fear was what drove me. My creativity was fueled by panic.

I recently taped a Comedy Central Presents Special. I was prepared. I was excited. I couldn’t wait to get on stage. In other words, I was in trouble. I was afraid of not being afraid. So, I immediately began to manufacture fear. It had to be deep and immediate. It couldn’t just be bombing, that’s nothing. It had to be spectacular.

Cut to: I’m in the wings of the Hudson Theater waiting to take the stage. There are several hundred people excited to see me. I am ready, I am a pro and I am asking myself,

“ What if I get out there a just start crying?”

Those tears are never that far from the surface. Could happen. It was stretch, but it could happen.  It wasn’t enough.

“What if I just start crying and. . . I pee.”

That was good.

In my mind, seconds away from stepping on stage, is an image of me taking the mic out of the stand, bursting into to tears and pissing my pants.

Then I thought, that might not be such a bad career move. I’m a horrible self-promoter. If I was caught on tape on stage crying and peeing and that tape got out it would be infinitely more popular than anything I would say in my act. And it would get out. It would probably get like 30 million hits on youtube and be the most downloaded clip of the day. I pictured groups of giggling teenagers worldwide huddled around held video cell phones laughing and saying, “Dude, check this out. This is that comic guy who cried and peed. It’s fucking hilarious, dawg”, in several different languages. I pictured AOL’s homepage headline, “The Leaking Comic, comedian falls apart on stage, watch now”.

That’s what they’re looking for now anyways. That’s what show business has become. I’ve been doing standup twenty-five years. I’ve got a point of view, a lot to say, I’m funny and I’ve sat across from executives who say, “We need 90 second clips that can be downloaded. That’s what people want. You’re perfect. Don’t you have any weird characters or 90 second rants?”
“Yeah, I do, how’s this–are you fucking kidding me?  Are you guys that stupid? Are we that disposable? Don’t you know what I do? You assholes have ruined this business in the name of the bottom line and fear of losing your jobs. The gifted get pushed aside to make room for amateurs and hacks. That’s what people want? 90 second clips, huh? And Talent contests full of earnest attempts of amateurs who deserve nothing? Giving record deals to American idol winners is like giving a million bucks to people who sing well in their cars. And people want Reality Shows too, right? Shocking, stupid moments of lost control, pain, embarrassment, violence and sex of the pathologically uninspired. That’s what you need? 90-second bursts of unbridled, unavoidable authenticity that can make the brain dead multitudes feel like something real is happening at the cost of someone else’s dignity. Was that 90 seconds?”

So, the golden age of show business is over. Dignity seems to be dirt-cheap these days. How much was it ever worth? This is, after all, still show business.

Then I’m thinking, is that such a horrible legacy? Being that guy that cried and peed? No name, just bodily functions, secretions and excretions. How would I top it? You would hope that it would end my career. I would think I would quit out of self-respect but who knows. The siren song of the lights and the stage calling me might win out. They say you never know when your big break will come but be sure you are ready to make it when it does. I am ready to ride the wave of piss and tears into immortality.

MARC MARON at Soho Theatre July 28th-August 2nd at 10pm
http://www.sohotheatre.com/pl1898.html

I was very saddened to hear that Harvey Pekar passed away on Monday. The cult comic book creator was a major influence on me in my formative years as I perused a career in writing. Pekar specialized in writing about the mundane and the everyday life of the people he associated with in his native Cleveland. Be it his weekly trip to the grocery store, an anecdote from a patient at the hospital where he worked as a file clerk or the stories of the constant arguments he was having with people Pekar showed me that writing didn’t have to be glamorous and the reality of every day life could be just as imaginatively dealt with as any work of fiction. Using a stable of underground comic book artists to illustrate his stories including the legendary Robert Crumb much like the Fix Harvey’s American Splendor comic books lost money when they 1st started but eventually found an audience with Harvey appearing regularly on David Lettermans show and even having a Hollywood film starring Paul Giamti made about him . Despite the success he had Pekar was hard wired to be curmudgeonly, angry and discontent with societies ills. He proved that if you are a good enough writer then you can write about anything or in his case nothing and still make it exciting informative and engaging. He always suffered from ill health which was the basis for perhaps his best known work our cancer year which chronicled his successful battle with lymphoma.

For many Larry David is the go to guy for realistic portrayals of the social minutiae that binds us but Pekar had pioneered this style since 1970 and in my opinion more effectively with humour and pathos, his stories of everyday live may have been ordinary but as Pekar said himself “Ordinary life is pretty complex stuff”

Telegraph Obit

Huffington post on Cleveland

Cleveland Jewish news Obit

“One excellent test of the civilization of a country I take to be the flourishing of the Comic idea and Comedy; and the test of true Comedy is that it shall awaken thoughtful laughter” George Merideth from Essay on Comedy circa 1897

I once pitched an idea for a live showcase comedy show (I’m not bitter) to a major channel who replied that they very much liked my idea and that “a vehicle to try and tap into the amazing wealth of stand ups out there on the circuit.” was unfortunately already in development. So I’d missed out this time. Fine if I wasn’t doing it at least someone else was. It turned out the show they did wasn’t really a vehicle to showcase comedy talent more a Robin Reliant taking a group of paedophiles to Belgium on a booze cruise. The last show to successfully showcase live comedy was the Comedians way back in 1971, it may not be hip or fashionable and I’m not condoning the un pc material but it showcased what was going on in the working men’s clubs at the time and bought it to the masses. What was happening in the clubs is what you saw on TV. Whereas today what is going on in the clubs is not being translated onto TV.  From The Wall through Comedy Shuffle to TNT and the 11’o clock show TV channels get it consistently wrong when it comes to showcasing comedy on TV and what with the latest live comedy showcase still born Stand Up For The Week (where last week viewers were treated to Jack Whitehall taking the groundbreaking step of doing Michael Jackson is a paedophile jokes and Brendan Burns slagging off Russel Brand, one of the most original successful comics we’ve produced in years) this doesn’t look like a trend changing anytime soon.

What worries me the most is the TV Presenters masquerading as comedians who “are just following orders.” Zombies devoid of wit and comic insight who are recycling jokes they made in the school playground 10 years ago to the great British public.This isn’t comedy this is light entertainment, so lets call it that. The role of the comedian is to show what is wrong with the way things are and criticise society, these guys seem to take a big pay cheque, mine old copies of the Beano for jokes and then bend over on national TV whilst spouting a constant stream of platitudes and truisms.

With such a great heritage of comedy in this country how have we ended up with the most popular comedy shows on TV being panel shows that intentionally nullify creativity and live stand up shows that feel like live at the Palladium re-branded?  50 years ago Peter Cook had the balls to impersonate Harold Macmillan as the then prime minister sat in the audience at one of his shows and then went on to spearhead the satire boom, Monty python conquered stage, TV and screen and Peter Sellers revolutionised radio before becoming an international movie star. Today opinion less wet blankets sit behind a Perspex desk falling over themselves to make jokes about Heather mills wooden leg, do jokes on live TV that wouldn’t be out of place in a bar mitzvah speech as all the while Rory Mgarath and Dara O’Brien aimlessly paddle a canoe down an estuary as Griff Rhys Jones sits moaning in a dingy.

If you didn’t know any better you would think that live comedy around the UK was as unimaginative as it’s TV counterpart however there are plenty of acts who left to their own devices can tour the UK selling out medium sized theatres and arts centres through performing thought provoking, poignant, inspiring comedy shows without a whiff of banal uninspired observations as old as Jimmy Tarbuck’s golf clubs.  So why is that not translated onto TV? Who is to blame? Take the Wall billed as  “a dedicated showcase for the next generation of British comedy and entertainment talent” this was hosted by Rhys Thomas and Alexa Chung the closest they have come to a comedy club in the last 10 years is walking past The Comedy Store on the way to the Groucho club. The experts, the people who are in the trenches are not being consulted, the promoters who have a unique view of the current comedy landscape are not involved. The best new acts from the circuit are not even getting a sniff of TV exposure. How are you supposed to get something authentic if you are consulting agents and managers who’s sole purpose is to get their act on TV and TV producers who if you are lucky go to a circuit gig once a year at the Edinburgh festival. TV has created a lot of great comedy over the last few years but when it comes to comedy showcases they are painfully wide of the mark.

Light entertainment has a place in the TV schedules, for years we have had a rich history of it, The Generation Game, Blankety Blank and Mock The Week but we need a show that showcases the real comedy that goes on night after night across the UK we have a vibrant happening live scene that simply is not reflected on TV. It’s about time we awoke the thoughtful laughter that was once so essential to a thriving civilization of a country.