Sir Jimmy Savile is about to return to our screens for the first time in 20 years, from April the 14th , for 6 episodes only.  Just as Justin bought sexy back, Sir Jim, the original king of bling, is bringing Fix It back. His chair is now suitably pimped up, and he has a brand new collection of hip new rave tracksuits: ‘it’s better than the original’. But then he would say that.

On the night I went to see the taping, there was a massive queue to get into the studio. Some people had come down from Scotland especially to see him. Why the fuck are people coming down all the way from Scotland to see him?

Sir Jimmy Savile is a one off, a national treasure. A true English eccentric. Mad as a hatter. I’m not surprised; he spent his formative years working down a mine, sitting half naked in the pitch-black. Seven and a half years later, from the darkness deep in the bowels of the earth, TV’s biggest wish granting anomaly emerged in a pristine three piece suit and suede shoes, with not a smudge of coal on him. A miracle? Or all part of the legend that is Sir Jimmy Savile?

The show wraps and there is a throng of disciples, me included, waiting to have their photo taken with Jim. You can’t move for ill-fitting baseball caps and replica football kits. Everyone has an anecdote to share with him. 20 minutes later, he has had enough. I corner him on the way out, and he looks tired but good for his age, sporting his traditional tracksuit and the latest Nike air force one premiums. I tell him I am from a magazine, and he perks up. He’s always been a publicity junkie, from the moment he received his first big newspaper splash by hiring six sewage workers to be judges at a beauty pageant, whilst he was manager at Ilford Mecca.

‘uhuhuhuhuhuh [infamous Jim greeting] the magazine, which one?’

‘The Fix; it’s a new comedy magazine, we’d love to do an interview with you’

‘Sure no problem all you have to do is send me a written request’

‘Cool, where to?’

‘Do you know Leeds?’

‘I’ve heard of it’

‘Jimmy Savile, Leeds’

‘Are you joking?’

‘no’

And of he goes. Home, to his dressing room, back to Leeds. I don’t know. Surely Sir Jimmy Savile doesn’t have the same mail status as Father Christmas, the queen and Elvis. He’s been friends with all of them. Just to be safe I find out who’s doing the press for the show

Jim’s life reads like one of one of those god botherer pamphlets.  Triumph over adversity, a journey from childhood poverty to millionaire lifestyle (in 70’s money), the healing of lepers through endless charity work, the creation of the disco on the first day, the hit TV shows on the second. The worrying thing is, the more I immerse myself in the gospel of Sir Jim, the more I start to believe it.

A phone audience with Sir Jim is granted for a Tuesday morning, I call him: he has just been ‘pumping some iron’.

The Fix: Tell me a bit about how you came up with the original concept for Jim’ll Fix It.

Jim: Right, yes, all those years ago I was doing Top of the Pops’ quite happily. I was walking down a corridor, in television centre, and

the great Bill Cotton who was the head of light entertainment was walking the other way, when he said, ‘here, listen, you’ve been fixing things for people all your life why don’t we put some pictures to it?’. I said, ‘alright then’, and that’s how it came up.

The Fix: Simple as that.

Jim: Yes, simple as that, and we will call it Jim’ll Fix It and he said  ‘Jimmy will fix it?’. No. Jim, double L, will fix it.

The Fix: What do you think was the appeal of the show?

Jim: That was when television was starting with all the sex and the four letter words, This and that and the other. Story lines of suicide, and all that jazz. And I thought, that’s alright for them but it’s not alright for me. So I decided it would have a very high morale content, and the BBC secretly prophesised doom and gloom as decency wasn’t all that popular in those days. It only lasted for 20 years, and it only got 20 million a week, which proved I was 100% right and they were 100% wrong.

The Fix: Wow. Now, you’re famous for fixing things for other people but have you ever needed anything fixing yourself?

Jim: I never needed anything fixing that I couldn’t fix. I can fix anything, me. But for the sake of your piece, if someone said to me now what would you like as a fix it, I would probably say it would be nice if there was a telephone in heaven as all my pals Elvis and all that team - they’re all in heaven now - and it would be knockout to see how they are all getting on.

The Fix: It was a very successful show, what made you stop?

Jim:  I always have a policy of quitting at the top. I did Top of the Pops for 20 years, and I finished that when I was at it’s height . One day I walked into the Fix it studio and said ‘Right, last series’  and they said, ‘What’s wrong, what’s wrong!!!?’ ‘I said nothing is wrong, we’ve done 20 years, 20 years is enough’.

The Fix: You’ve been friends with…

Jim: Everybody, everybody.

The Fix: Yeah, but the big three of the 21st century - the Pope, the Queen and Elvis.

Jim: Hahahahahahahaha

The Fix: What would you say it was that enabled you to form friendships with these people?

Jim: I don’t know. I’m just me. I don’t go out of my way to be anything, and I don’t go out of my way to be anything. When I’m on TV for instance, I’ve never worked with a script in my life. I just go and do my thing. I started on TV nearly 50 years ago - 1958 - and there is nobody around today with a shelf life like that, let me tell you. Not now.

Everybody would go into make up and get made up, except me. I said ‘No make up’. It’s a gamble. Either people will like me as I am and I go on TV, or I go back down the pit, I don’t care, but I ain’t going to tell lies to nobody. I’ve never in all the 50 years had a touch of make up on my face.

The Fix: I read your autobiography As it happens Jimmy Savile and I get the impression that you are a big fan of practical jokes.

Jim: No.

The Fix: Oh, I got the impression you were. How did you meet Elvis?

Jim: I was a dance hall manager and a disc jockey at the same time, and I’d won a prize of an air ticket anywhere that I wanted, So I said right,  I’ll have a trip to LA. Then I said to somebody, I hope Elvis is there, I’d like to see him, and they said you have no chance of seeing him. Then someone said, I’ll tell you what, here’s an office number I was once given. I got into LA with this number literally written on a scrap of paper and I phoned the number, and the fella says ‘Tom Diskin’ and that was Colonel Tom Parkers’ right hand man. And I said I’ve got a gold record here for Elvis. He said, have you really? Have you got a few? And I said yeah but I bought it over from Europe. I’m a Disc Jockey from over there with 20 million listeners. What! he says? Yeah, it’s a radio station that goes all over Europe. Whoa, he said. 9.00 in the morning, Paramount studios. So I said ok, and I turned up at nine. There was the colonel and Tom Diskin, and the colonel took a shine to me straight away, he said ‘are you that guy from Europe, you’re late!’  I said only 20 mins, it’s 8000 miles and the traffic was a bit busy in this street outside here. And of course he loved that the colonel, and he turned to Tom and said go bring the boy.

I am recording this conversation through the internet phone service Skype. At this point my house phone starts to ring loudly.

Jim: And Tom shot off into the studio and came back with Elvis…..

I try and turn my phone off, but it keeps ringing. Jim has now stopped his anecdote.

The Fix: Sorry, that’s my house phone ringing. It has now stopped. (Jim has remained silent throughout the episode). So then you met him and what was he like?

Jim: Well, Tom came back leading Elvis and I was standing next to him and I got on well with him, so I was his pal and the colonels pal for the next 10-12 years. We had such laughs. One time we went to visit his dear lady wife - was ill in a hospice, so round we went. After ten minutes in her private room the colonel had an idea. ‘Get out of bed’, he says to his surprised lady wife, ‘and Jimmy will get in. we’ll call the nurse and ask what the pills are doing to you. You can hide in the cupboard’.

Strapped up to all sort of machines, she said, ‘I will not’. Colonel Parkers face dropped, and he looked at me for a way out. So I lay down on the floor.

‘Call the nurse’, says I. ‘Ask for some water, ignore me and drink it yourself’.

In came the nurse, who jumped a mile at seeing me stretched out. Came back with a glass of water which the colonel drank with great relish. Out she went muttering ‘everybody’s crazy round here’. Which I suppose we were.

The Fix: Good times

Jim: I used to go over when he was making a film, and I would spend a week on the set with him and I was on the set of Wild in the Country, Viva Las Vegas…

My phone starts to ring again, cutting Jim off for the second time mid anecdote. I thought I turned it off.

The Fix: Sorry, I’m just going to turn my phone off.

Jim: Right.

The Fix: Excuse me, sorry.

There is a long pause: this is a digital phone that you cannot turn off. I answer it and then hang up to stop it ringing. The person rings back immediately. It continues to ring. I am in a complete kerfuffle now, phone ringing in one hand, legend on the other line.

The Fix: Sorry Jim

Jim: That’s OK,

I decide to just ignore the ringing.

Jim: You’ve not turned it off.

This incident has now gone on for about two minutes, but it feels like two hours. Jim seems a bit agitated, and I have now missed all the stories he was no doubt going to divulge about his time with Elvis. Time to change tack.

The Fix: How do you stay so positive?

Jim: I don’t know.

More silence

Jim: All I know is today’s Tuesday. It’s a sunny day, and I’ve just pumped some iron this morning, doing a bit of a workout, and answering the phone to you, and that’s all I know.

The Fix: Ok…

Jim: I don’t have any stock replies to anything

I laugh awkwardly at Jim now being slightly stand-offish. I think he’s pissed off that he didn’t get a chance to tell me more about him and Elvis.

The Fix: Are you still quite patriotic?

Jim: Well of course I am. I live here. I lived here all my life

The Fix: Do you think it’s a good place to live?

Jim: Of course, of course. The best.

I’m sensing frustration from Jim now

Who would you say is the wisest person you’ve ever met?

Jim: Me.

The Fix: Yourself?

Jim: Yup.

The Fix: What did you learn from yourself?

Jim laughs. Jim: Not to get too uptight about anything, to take it easy. And check out what day it is. It’s Tuesday.

I laugh awkwardly.

Jim: There’s nothing wrong in that, there’s a great wisdom in that let me tell you. You haven’t got round to sussing that out, but you will do in life one day. And you’ll say how’s things, well it’s Tuesday, it’s ok. Or tomorrow it will be Wednesday. It’s ok.

The Fix: So as long as it’s today it’s ok?

Jim: Yes, today’s the day.

The Fix: Yes. Can you tell me about Jim speak? Your language?

Jim: Well I haven’t got any. I’ve been talking to you for the last 15 minutes, and if you think I’ve got Jim speak, it’s up to you to suss it out. But I don’t think I’ve got any speak at all. I just do what I do. When I’m watching television and somebody takes me off, they go ‘Now then, now then. Jingle Jangle’. I don’t say things like that. I don’t notice that I do that.

The Fix: You also said in your book that you felt that you invented the first disco

Jim: Yes I did, yes.

The Fix: Obviously you had an interest in technology.

Jim: No,no,no,no. I had no interest in technology at all, never did have. I just borrowed a wind up gramophone.

The Fix: And it melted the piano, right?

Jim: No, what happened was a pal of mine had invented a thing with the innards of a valve radio. In those days, radios had valves in them. From the pick up arm instead of the noise coming out of the wind up gramophone which were a right tinny sound it actually came out of the speaker of the radio which was a marvellous invention oh dear oh dear oh dear. The only trouble was that after about three quarters of an hour the soldering bits that connected the two heated up, and melted the piano it was sitting on. Everybody said it were a great idea.

The Fix: And you went on to have huge success?

Jim: Wel,l yeah when it all got organised I actually won Britain’s top Disc Jockey eleven years in a row, and the only reason I didn’t win it twelve years in a row because they stopped that poll winners concept idea.

The Fix: I wanted to ask you some Fix It’s.

Jim: Like what?

The Fix: Let’s start with Pete Doherty’s problems.

Jim: But has he got problems?

The Fix: He’s a drug addict.

Jim: He seems to enjoy what he does. If he enjoys what he does then that’s it. If he didn’t enjoy it he wouldn’t do it.

The Fix: Your solution is just leave him be?

Jim: Yes, leave him be. The day he isn’t enjoying it is the day he’ll stop. But if he enjoys it, he’ll keep going. He’s not doing anybody any harm.

The Fix: Well, except himself.

Jim: Yeah.

The Fix: How about the Iraq war Jim, how would you fix that?

Jim: Nobody really knows what it’s about. They… It’s got about five different faces has that. They started off saying they wanted to bring oil across the Iraq land, and they wanted it calming down and peaceful. But it doesn’t look like that’s what they wanted to do in the first place. And so why they went into it I’m not at all sure, but I’m sure the politicians had a reason for it. And now obviously everyone’s jumped on the wagon and it’s turned into a civil war. And as we speak I think….. I think there’s about forty four different wars going on as we speak. And ninety percent of these wars we haven’t even heard of. They’ve gone on for years and years and years. Amazing.

The Fix: Are you still in contact with ten Downing Street?

Jim: I’m in contact with everybody

The Fix: Have you got any projects lined up?

Jim: No not really, there’s Jim’ll Fix it on UKTV GOLD. I mind my own business, and if the telephone rings and somebody comes up with something and I fancy it, I’ll have a go at it, and if I don’t fancy it I’ll say thank you for the honour of the invite, but it’s not for me.

The Fix: In modern showbiz everybody has a hundred assistants, PR’s, PA’s etc.

Jim: I’ve got nobody. I have no agents, never have had. No agent, no manager, no secretary, no nothing.

The Fix: It seems to have worked.

Jim: Well it’s Tuesday and everything is alright.

The Fix: Yes, you seem to be able to mix business and pleasure.

Jim: Business is pleasure for me. Pleasure is business. In the old days I went to work down the pit and that was work and you came out and you had whatever good time you could, now it’s all gelled in together. Work is pleasure, pleasure is work. You are very fortunate.

The Fix: Could you briefly fill me in on your time as a Wrestler.

Jim: I got a call one day of a pal of mine who was a wrestler he said we are doing a charity thing, one of the lads has died in the ring, will you come and be the referee. ‘No’. ‘Why not?’ I said I’ll come and fight. He said, ‘you’ll get killed’. ‘No I won’t, you’ll teach me’. I went into the gym for 6 weeks, and I got thrown from A to B, up in the air and down on the ground. Because I was doing Top of the Pops and things like that, obviously the first fight I ever took, which was in Manchester, was not only a sell-out, but it blocked the street as well. And I loved it, I had a hundred and seven pro fights.

The Fix: How many did you win?

Jim: I lost the first thirty five fights. And I thought I’d never ever win, ever. Nobody wanted to go down to a long haired disc jockey did they? I got a good hiding every time I went in the ring.

The Fix: It must have been quite exciting when you won the first match.

Jim: Ooooooooohhhhhhh, great fun, great fun, great fun. I broke a few bones and things like that, but that didn’t matter.

The Fix: So is there anything that you’ve got left to do?

Jim: Yeah. The next thing is Wednesday.

In preparation for John Kearns’ debut Edinburgh show “John Kearns’ Dinner Party” John is putting on a very special dinner party for the press and members of the public . If you would like to be one of the select few who comes along to this exclusive soiree where you will be able to indulge in the finest responsibly sourced nibbles from Londis and conversation so sparkling it makes champagne taste flat then all you have to do is answer this question.

Dinner traditionally follows what meal?

a) Lunch
b)Breakfast

Answers to thefixonline@gmail.com

The event will take place this Monday evening the 25th at a yet to be disclosed location in London.

If you can’t make this why not come to the show in Edinburgh, it’s totally free - http://on.fb.me/pJklKt

How The Fix is going to galvanize online comedy

Following 6 months of intermittent activity on the Fix web-site I can finally reveal the reason for our lack of productivity.

During our sabbatical I have been studiously researching a suitable avenue for The Fix to pursue online. Something that enables us to continue to showcase the most original comic voices from across the world but this time reaches a bigger audience and generates income for acts.

So how are we going to do that? Online Video! 19.8 million people in the UK watched a video online in 2010 and one of the most popular genres is comedy. Over the next 6 months we are going to build a library of hilarious comedy content both produced by our new production company Lion On Fire and sourced from the Internet. All of this will be hosted on the brand new Fix web-site which will launch some time during August

Using all our expertise and contacts from the comedy industry the idea is to build a community of producers, artists and users who can work together to create the number one video site for comedy in the world. Hell, we might even be able to make a living from it.
The first step is to start soliciting content, once we have enough we will put the site live.

Who should get Involved?

Artists, Producers, managers and comedy fans

We are looking for the following content

- Up to 2 minute 30 second long sketches preferably topical but all welcome
- Webisodes 4 minute 30 second episodes x 6 narrative sit-com
- Pod-casts narrative based or interview magazine show

Have you already made your own content? We’d love to have a look at it.

E-mail raydotbot@gmail.com if you’d like to be involved. And FWD this e-mail on to anyone you think might be interested.

Many thanks, Harry

Brett Domino, star of youtube who has single handedly kept the site going with his 8 million video views is finally stepping out from behind the internet and into the real world with his full live debut. Featuring special guests including Cardinal Burns and Rich Fulcher the night will feature a mixture of music, live comedy and videos. To to tell us more in the medium he is most comfortable in I will hand you over to Brett - http://bit.ly/ku5tgO

After accosting a drunk Doug Stanhope outside the Leicester Square Theatre, The Fix, after much discussion, convinced him to do an interview. As you can see he didn’t regret it…

Doug Stanhope: You are like a goth girl who knows she’s unattractive and accessorises. You put on the moustache because it’s not gonna get better so let’s make it worse, and I understand the theory.

Harry Deansway: Cheers man - Have you always been angry?

DS: I don’t know its not like there was a day where you are like I’m the happiest kid in the world and then BOOOM. Your grandpa wasn’t always a prick - he was happy to fight the war and then over time he goes ‘this is bullshit’.

HD: How did you start in comedy?

DS: These are the worst fucking questions in the world - this is every reason I would not want to do an interview. ‘Where do you get your ideas from?’ I don’t know - where do you get ideas from? When you thought I’m going to have waffles for breakfast where did that idea come from? Don’t give me a fucking comedy interview, ask me what you want to ask. Drink! Maybe you should be as drunk as I am for this interview…

HD: Ok lets start at the beginning where are you from?

DS:I grew up in Massachusetts - an industrial shit hole like this.

HD: You speak about losing your sex drive in your show, when did that happen?

DS: Over a course of time. Mostly in relationships because most of the thrill of fucking was that someone would fuck you, because I’m a fucking geek like you. If it wasn’t for the stage… the fact that someone would fuck you was more important than a TV show or 5 stars in a newspaper. If someone would fuck me after a show it was a barometer of how well you were doing in comedy and at some point the ego left and the biggest round of boo’s or the biggest round of applause were equally negligible doing that

HD: Have you got to the stage were it doesn’t effect you any more? You get no joy out of performing?

DS: No, if you can amuse yourself and that’s the problem you can never write enough material to say fresh to yourself.

HD: Do you change your show every night?

DS: If I can. I desperately try to, to the point of failure. I think every guy in the audience is the fan - the one guy ‘I’ve been here since you’ve been coming here.’ They know every joke you’ve ever done, so you feel like if you do an old bit that you know works your letting someone down by doing old shit.

HD: How much does alcohol play a part in your act?

DS: I couldn‘t tell you the last time I performed without drinking at all - tonight I drank more than other nights because I could. Well, I could any night but I go ‘it’s Sunday I’m just gonna get fucked up’

HD: So, its an intrinsic part of your set

DS: Yeah - I have no self confidence.

HD: You are drinking to be professional?

DS: Yeah I’m drinking to be professional.

HD: What is it about the drink that enhances your performance - do you think you are funnier drunk?

DS: The same reason drink helps people fuck and have a good time and tell the truth to some one.

HD: You say you hate the UK so much, is there anything in particular why that is?

DS: It reminds me a lot of where I grew up. But again this is all bullshit, I think I alluded to it on stage in quite an unstable delivery; you can try to pretend to know why you are the way you are ‘oh I’m fat because my mother fucking divorced my father and that’s why I eat Haagan Daas’ .You don’t know. But I hate it here it reeks of fucking depression and dark ages and awfulness and I don’t like old shit. I like progress. I have no sense of history. History is bullshit. Don’t tell me what fucking happened 400 years ago or 1,000 years ago. History is a complete fabrication of demented memories.

HD: You live in Arizona, what’s modern about there

DS: It’s America. America is fucking great.

HD: Do you think you’ll be around for when America becomes decrepit?

DS: No I’m 43 years old I don’t think America will become decrepit in 20 years which is the best outlook you could have for my life. Once I realised I’m never going to have children I realised I have no vested interest in this planet and I don’t know why I get so upset about all the fucking social ills. Its your problem. It’s a fucking rental car to me, trash it and fucking turn it in with the bumper hanging off, it’s not my problem.

HD: So you’ve never thought about why you get so upset about it?

DS: Yeah I wonder all the time - no I know why I get so upset about it a) because it pisses me off and b) if it doesn’t piss me off I have no material. Comedy is what it is but it’s the least fun part of comedy. I have been doing comedy for 20 years and the only unfunny part of it is doing shows or watching shows. Fucking hanging around with comics. I live in a town of 6,000 and I have some good friends, but when you have hung around with the funniest people on earth it spoils you for comedy.

HD: Apart from yourself, who is the funniest person you ever hung around with?

DS: Because I haven’t been watching TV or talking on a cell phone here I complied a list of people I want
to have a party with before I kill myself, but you wouldn’t know any of them I don’t think.

HD: I might do…

DS: Glen wool would be the only one… As far as people who are fucking funny in real life when you are sitting at a table dying laughing, that’s your friends. You not paying to see some pre recorded bullshit. People who over 20 years you have laughed your balls at off more than any Richard Prior or Bill Hicks. Bill Hicks wasn’t even funny, he was just right. That lasts longer than funny. The guys I laughed at in the 80s when I was learning comedy as a kid. Listening to it again, that’s not funny. Funny builds on itself, not like any other art form, it has the shelf life of mayonnaise in hot sun. It was funny, but someone saw how he made it funny, made it funnier and some one made it funnier.

HD: Have you done anything before comedy? I take it you worked in shitty jobs and stuff like that…

DS: yeah menial shitty jobs I did telemarketing for a few years, but I started comedy at 23 and have been pretty much doing it professionally ever since. I did a lot of shitty jobs that I quit, 2 jobs I quit in an hour or an hour and a half.

HD: I have a 100% sacking record - any job I had I have been sacked.

DS: You know what? This interviews over, your fired

Smutty childish comedy songsmiths Kunt and the Gang are in the running for an unexpected placing in the Christmas top 40 with their music business expose ‘Use My Arsehole As A Cunt’, thanks to a re-working of the song which tells the story of Nick Clegg’s deal with the Tories. http://bit.ly/igxfYb

A loophole in chart regulations means sales of their 7 different versions of the same song (Original, New, Remix, Live, Clean, Spanish and Cleggy!) are combined for the main chart! You can help the sweariest Xmas hit of all time by downloading here With over a million YouTube views Kunt and the Gang has become Basildon’s most famous export - apart from Depeche Mode, Vince Clarke, Alison Moyet, Denise Van Outen, Terry Marsh and Brian from Big Brother (black, not gay).

In recent years Kunt and the Gang have featured on Channel 4’s Rudetube programme, won Album Title Of The Year in NME, had a sell-out run at the 2010 Edinburgh Fringe Festival, played as guests of drug-addled pop ponce Pete Doherty and received death threats from mental Michael Jackson fans over their YouTube tribute.

Dr Brown’s show was the underground hit of this years Edinburgh Fringe. Harry Deansway caught up with him during the festival to chat about the art of clowning and how he goes about developing his shows.

Harry Deansway : I came to your show last night and I was really blown away by it. It’s something so different to what you usually see on the fringe.

Phillip Burgers: Oh yeah?

HD: It’s a different discipline, isn’t it? It’s more like clowning, right?

PB: Well my training is in clowning, although the person I trained with would never say I was a clown.

HD: What would they say?

PB: He’d just say I wasn’t funny. It’s this old french guy who would say [in a french accent] “You’re not funny, sit down.”

HD: Where was the clown school?

PB: In Paris, France. Obviously, not Paris, Texas. It’s the same dude that Sacha Baron Cohen studied with, this guy called Philippe Gaulier. He’s like this old French clown guy and he teaches all genres of theatre, but the basis is clowning. Basically it’s just about having fun on stage and being happy to be there. It’s about being open on stage and not putting on a mask. You can be a character but it really has to come from you and not just be an idea of a character.  It’s really your joy and pleasure to be on stage.

HD: Why was he saying that you weren’t funny? Was that his way of making you better?

P: Oh yeah, it’s like trying to provoke you. That’s how everyone got funny. It was as soon as they gave up on trying to be funny and were just on stage totally defeated and vulnerable and not trying too hard, or wanting too much and just being very honest with who they are.

HD: It sounds like some kind of Samuri training or something out of the Karate Kid.

PB: It was very, very difficult. I spent a year and a half with him.

HD: How did you end up there? What made you think “I want to study clowning?”

PB: I came from a theatre background a long time ago and then I didn’t do any performing
for a long time. Then I came to the Edinburgh festival in 2005 and saw a show called “All Wear Bowlers” at the Aurora Nova. I didn’t really know what clowning was at the time. For me the idea of a clown was just not funny. It seemed silly.

HD: Outdated almost?

PB: Yeah. Then I saw them and I asked, “What is this?” and they said, “This is clowning.”

HD: What are your influences comedy wise? If it’s not clowning then it must be more traditional?

PB: I think the funniest people I know are my friends back home. I grew up with really funny people. Everyone’s friends are super funny, that’s when you have you’re biggest laughs. It’s just about taking that spirit on stage and sharing it with people, so you’re not putting on masks or doing something that isn’t real.

HD: I’ve interviewed a few comedians in Edinburgh and they’ve been saying that the best gigs they’ve had are when they’re in this ‘zone of reality’, where you’re not even thinking about what you’re saying. That’s the kind of humour you have with your friends, you’re not trying to entertain a crowd, there’s no pressure and you’re just having a laugh.

PB: Yeah, you’re just being silly and you’re not trying to be good. That comes into it of course, and that can destroy a gig, but if you’re enjoying yourself and being light with it, like you are with your friends…

HD: How have you ended up in Europe? (Phillip is from Los Angeles)

PB: My parents are from Europe and I would come as a kid. I always wanted to live here. I lived in Poland for a little bit, just to have an adventure then I went back to LA to do the film industry stuff, but from more of a production standpoint. It’s really commercial there and it’s really rat-race-y. So I came back to Europe. I had some free time from the work I was doing so I went to the Edinburgh Festival. I found out about this school that was really regimented, so I went. From that I developed this thing on the stand up circuit in London. I moved to London because it was an English speaking country and I just went up with as much as possible and I died many a deaths.

HD: So what’s next for you?

PB: I have no idea man. This show was built over a period of two years almost; just from going up and doing it, doing it, failing, doing it, learning and trying. I’d like to be able to create new work, but I almost feel like this was an accidental product and so I don’t know how to force another show on myself. This was all built from trying things in front of an audience and from spontaneity. I need that same kind of process I think.

HD: I imagine you have an audience now who will come out and see you.

PB: Well hopefully they won’t be disappointed, like the second album thing. I’m very worried about that. I’d like to go more into the clowning world, but accessible clowning, not circus or kids clowning.

HD: Would you say your stuff is closer to clowning than it is to comedy?

PB: Yeah, maybe. I don’t want to sound pretentious by saying that. I want it to be something I can really explore in the long term and not just be some character I do (snaps fingers). I want it to be a tool, a vehicle I use to explore and try things and invent new things and work with new people. I don’t want it to be a product; more like a path.

HD: So you say it took two years to form this show, do you have a direction when you start?

PB: No not at all…

HD: So it’s more gut instinct?


PB: Yeah…

HD: Is it a rhythm thing?

PB: Its’ maybe about having different bits that I piece together. There was a Guess Who bit and a kissing bit separately and the kissing bit didn’t work on it’s own, but I put it at the end of the Guess Who thing and now it works. With the rhythm thing, you hear that it’s dropping in certain places so you think, ‘Maybe I should try something different’.

HD: So over the last two years you’ve learned the audience interaction stuff? I guess that’s one of the best things you can learn from just doing gigs is just how to interact with audience.I think it’s a really important part of a lot of people’s shows that they forget. Some people go on stage and they don’t even care that an audience is there.

PB: Yeah, especially in comedy -there’s no fourth wall, so if someone coughs or makes a weird noise everyone hears it. You bring attention to it and it’s an easy laugh but it’s also just like a way of saying ‘We’re all in the moment’.

Dr Brown is at the Soho Theatre from the 2nd to 11th of December, tickets here

At school there was a girl I liked. So much so that I hatched a plan for her to look at me. That’s right. Look at me. I enrolled my friend Alan who was in her Business class. The plan was I’d give him my copy of Hard Times, knock on the door during the class and Alan would look over and see if she was looking at me. That afternoon, I knocked on the door and said to the teacher ‘Sorry sir, Alans got my English book.’ I didn’t look over at the girl, that’d have been bloody obvious. Alan got out the book, gave it to me and I said my goodbyes. We met after class. Did she look at me? ‘I didn’t see,’ said Alan, ‘I was giving you the book.’ Thinking back on this episode makes me sad. I remember sitting next to Dominic in maths when I was 15, and he’d regale me with fables of fingering over Pythagoras. I was trying to get someone to look at me by walking into a room they were in. What if she had? ‘Christ she’s keen! Well that’s all the evidence I need… Excuse me, my friend couldn’t help noticing you looked at me when I interrupted you learning.’ And what if Alan and I had actually looked over as we exchanged the book? Staring at her as we stumbled over our rehearsed lines, ‘Here you are John. You’re copy of Hard Times.’ ‘Thank You Alan. Dunno how it got in your bag. Must be off.’ It is such a mad and awful idea that I doubt anybody would have got what I was up to. Maybe apart from the weirdos in the back row, shaking their heads, ‘Dear oh dear, not the old “Walking into the Room” trick, it never works, where’s your third party! Where’s you’re third party!” This is the same girl who at her 18th birthday was given a verbal message from me to say that I liked her. It was delivered by a mutual friend who was a dwarf. Proper medieval shit. I remember the party was at ‘My Place’ a club in Earls Court. She invited me personally with a note saying ‘Are you coming to My Place?’ As I was a stunted, cripple of a teenager who stayed at home whacking off to Channel 5, I nearly blew my intestines out of my arse as I thought she meant her house. And just me on my own. I got to the busy party, got hammered on Southern Comfort and Coke, sent the message and later gave away my socks. I could teach a class.

Written By me and Chris Head over 4 years ago Lionel Serge and The Temple Of Bewilder is a short film about a disgruntled office worker who buys a ticket to a show that unbeknownst to him is going to change his life. Its 24 minutes long so if you have the time why not watch it.

Lionel Serge And The Temple Of Bewilder

Written by Harry Deansway and Chris Head
Directed by Harry Deansway
Edited by Leo Scott

Starring

Jonathan Hansler as Lionel Serge
Matt Wandless as Gavin
Sarah Lowes as Kim
Julian England as Barry

The Fix catches up with the TV comedy legend Paul Whitehouse to chat about how he got started, the Fast Show and Ripping off Monty Python

Harry Deansway So is it true that you were a plasterer for Harry Enfield and that’s how You got into T.V?

Paul Whitehouse: No, that’s all an elaborate lie made up by my PR company No, of course it’s true

Harry Ok, so how did it happen. Were you working for him and he said “you’re funny, do you want to come & write for me?”

Paul: No. I wasn’t working for him. In fact, when I first met Harry I was working for Hackney Council & he was a friend of a friend, & a few mates lived in this little bit of Hackney & he came & dossed on my floor for a while. At that time he was a student and working as a milkman during the summer.

Harry So from there you just built up a relationship……

Paul: Yeah, I was one of those lively chaps down the pub type of person – a pain in the arse really, is the correct definition but he obviously thought there was some material there worth thieving that I’d knicked from somebody else, & so he would appropriate the odd line that I came up with here & there, then gradually encouraged me to do some stuff with him, both writing & performing.

Harry So is this something that you’ve always wanted to do?

Paul: Not really, no. I was always about music. Grant Mclennan from the Go- Betweens was sort of a mutual friend & I remember him saying to myself & Charlie Higson that we should do comedy – not music. A sort of back handed compliment! Anyway, we took his word & concentrated more on comedy. By that time I was plastering. It was hard work but because I was self-employed it meant that I had time to do some writing.

Harry: So what was the 1st paid work you got for your writing?

Paul: It was a sketch show called Naked Video

Harry: The Scottish one?

Paul: Yeah, The Scottish Sketch Show as we called it! I can’t even believe we wrote it. It was a silly bad sketch. A couple of clowns at a funeral going “you are my sunshine” That was it – that was our 1st sketch we got on.We really got going through Harry (Enfiled) he was a good sort of coduit. It’s not necessarily the material to start with. You can have the best material in the world, but unless there’s a context for it – it aint gonna get used. If you think of reeves and Mortimer if they’d written that material and sent it in to anyone, what would not the nine o clock news done with “I can see there’s a little red squirrel hoverin’ above a Petri dish there” they’d of gone what is this stuff it’s meaningless. They had their own world that they created and the same to an extent with us if we’d sent loadsa money to Rowan Atkinson it would of been meaningless or even stavros, although you can almost see him doing that. Harry was quite ambitious at the time so we had that outlet.

Harry: Were you ever interested in doing live stuff?

Paul: No…never have been. I’m much more influenced by stuff like Monty Python so for me, comedy has always been something that you do on telly as sketches & characters. The idea of stand-up is not my thing and never has been. I don’t lie awake at night thinking I haven’t paid my dues on the stand up circuit, I don’t give a monkeys about that

Harry: Do you find you’re constantly thinking about comedy or can you leave your job behind at the end of the day?

Paul: I know a few like that but not me. Obviously to an extent you’re thinking about it, but I’ve never really been like that. I remember when we first started, people who were famous at that time would be concerned, looking over their shoulder at people, and I remember thinking “Why? – What does it matter?” Then as I got more & more successful you kind of do the same, little Britain and Ricky Gervais have got more money than me but no, not really.

Harry: So what part of the job do you enjoy most?

Paul: I like the writing. I love it. I like all aspects of it if I’m honest, but I like the writing because you’ve got your own time & that’s the most creative area for me.

Harry: That’s where the magic happens…..

Paul: Well, I wouldn’t say that! Some strange kind of stirring in the brain might hit on a dodgy old Monty Python idea & slightly re-hash it! You’re not performing or being desperate to entertain when you’re writing. You’re creating an idea. Having said that, I love doing live stuff, but then again when I’ve done live stuff I’ve done it to an audience that’s been there to see our show and there’s a great atmosphere from the start. I’ve never had to go to say a working mans club in Barrow-in-Furness. I have no great desire to do that though. I guess I’m more a comic actor than a stand-up comedian.

Harry: Lets talk about your characters. Are they all based on people you’ve met, or do some of them come from your imagination?

Paul: Some do. I think there’s always a germ of an idea from people you see. (Starts whispering ) There is a bloke who wonders up and down here and literally goes from the pub to the bookies to the pub to the bookies, you can’t really do much with him but he’s a great character. “Where you going now dave?” Pub” Where you going now Dave “Bookies”. People do say to me “ You are going to do a character
out of me aren’t you?” “ No, I’m really not” people who are aware are not as funny as people who unaware, I think what we do is not to be sneery about characters. Harry and I get material sent to us which is often quite sneery & you think “we don’t wanna do this” You see your characters frustrations & limitations but at the same time have an affection for them. Even someone like smashie and Nicey who are probably the biggest wankers , we have an affection for them, like David Brent , the genius of David Brent was that he was a monster but you saw his frustrations and limitations and his desperate desire to please.

Harry: Have you ever had a situation where you’ve done a character who’s based on someone, then you’ve met that character?

Paul: There was one bloke. I did a character from The Fast Show called Rowley Birkins (one of my favourite characters) He’s based on a bloke I met whilst fishing in Iceland. He started speaking to me and I’d be going “What did he say?” & he had a woman with him who was very posh and she would sort of translate for you As far as we knew he was from middle England, posh country solicitor type, didn’t know his background and then when we came to reinvent him an Rowley Birkin QC, racked him up a few notches the idea of this pillar of the judicial community being an incoherent drunk being the subtext of it He was a nice fella and a godsend out there.

Harry: So he never found out then….

Paul: He did actually! Someone tracked him down & interviewed him. But he was a really nice bloke & was very cool about it. Tony Blackburn was good too. He took it in really good stead. We did overstep the mark a little bit with him on end of an era. I always claim everything on comedy , it’s all been my idea until something like that, then I blame Harry – everything else I’ve come up with it! Character comedy full stop.

Harry: Let’s talk about “Down the line” Do you listen to a lot of those insane phone in’s?

Paul: Not really. I mean I listen to five live, talk sport, James Whale. The show wasn’t to parody phone-in shows or to spoof Radio 4 listeners. I thought it would be a new & novel way to try out some new characters. We couldn’t just do another Fast show style sketch show. We were trying to figure out a new way to present some new characters. It had never been done before. Also you can put stuff on the agenda that you would be hard pushed to screw into a sketch “A little bit of politics” . With that (down the line) it’s about contentious opinions. If anything, we don’t go far enough. We love doing it & it’s kind of semi improvised. Rhys “I’m obessesed with comedy in a box” Thomas is brilliant. He’s slightly clever & slightly thick at the same time….& I mean that in the nicest possible way Rhys . I think he’s perfect at it. We were wondering how we were gonna do it but he has that sort of mentality really. He’s kind of interested in idiots & works on the same level as them. We just stick poor old Rhys in a booth for about 10hours, firing stuff at him & we expect him to know what to do. If it was me & Charlie in there, we’d be so queeny. We’d be out every 10 minutes! What we do is we all just run in & do a call from a mic round the corner. It’s all very simple & a bit of a free for all. Everyone’s trying to outdo each other. Obviously we have ideas worked out & might have some themes & we work out Rhy’s intro’s, but a lot of it is just made up on the spot. We end up with tons of material & it’s a mess, So Charlie in his soft Nazi mode, I must stop calling him as he’s not,
he’s a benign dictator and we need him as he has a good overall view. So we edit for about 3 weeks. Rhys may end up coming in and re-doing little bits & generally tightening things up. It’s great fun.
Sometimes I listen to it & think “it’s brilliant!” & other times I think “this is just a bunch of middle aged people doing silly voices – stop it!”

Harry Have there ever been TV projects that you’ve wanted to do that have never happened, or have you done everything you’ve wanted to do on TV?

Paul: There was one I wanted to do at the end of The Fast Show. I called time on the fast show, which was probably a bit silly as if we’d done a fourth series we’d have been on BBC 1, but we’d done three series, we’d done a Christmas special, we’d done our farewell tour, in the past people go on doing stuff forever . At the end of it what I wanted to do was take some of the characters & do a series called “Men.” do them as six half hour pilots & see if anything came from that, & then maybe gone on to do a series, but that was at the time when we could have done that. People were saying “What are you doing Paul? …..What do you want to do?” Now they don’t say that! One thing we are trying to negotiate at the moment is a programme where you Meet weird & wonderful characters in given locations. A bit Like those medium patriotic type programmes about how great Britain is like Coast, or Robbie Coltrane driving round some villages, even Billy Connolly does some gigs & drives along a country lane, Alan Titchmarsh goes round Britain, Dimbleby looks at some buildings, but With a theme….so it could be immigration & toothpaste….you know, what do they think of that in Hull, and now we’re in Swansea where we’re asking the Same question…..all that tied in with a bit of majestic splendour of a couple of medium cliffs..

Harry: So what are you feelings on TV at the moment. A lot of comedians find they can’t get on TV, that the commissioning process doesn’t work etc. Do you think the right people are getting on TV?

Paul: That’s a good question. I don’t really go to the clubs so I don’t know. I don’t know whether stand-up necessarily works on TV

Harry: Yeah, it’s hard

Paul: Yeah it is. TV is more of a static environment. Some people work better on TV, some don’t. It’s a hard question to answer because people like Reeves and Mortimer, Steve Coogan, caroline Ahern, The mighty Boosh, Peep show all got on TV. There’s always favourites, but they’re usually there as a result of having done something that worked very well in the first place. In any genre there’s always people that slip through the net. Mainly in Music, you can get away with murder in that sector and still be massively successful.

Harry: You’re quite well respected as an actor. Has Hollywood ever been on mind?

Paul: No. It’s never crossed my mind. If someone had come to us & said they’d loved The Fast Show & wanted to re-make it in America – Fantastic! We would have given it a go, but it’s never been an ambition of mine.

HARRY: You didn’t fancy being like Peter Sellers and hoping over to LA to try and make it as a Hollywood actor.

Paul: It’s never something that has happened and I’ve never pushed for it. I have a blanket agreement with my agent. Any film or theatre stuff comes in & it’s a no! Certainly theatre anyway. I tend to know my limitations. If I’m writing it I know I can do it I’m not an actor in that respect. When I’m writing I know what I can do.